And how to change the story…

In my last post I talked about how to know it is time to change your story: if you feel stuck in some area of life, unable to move forward, you likely need to recreate your underlying story.

But here’s the rub – it’s so dang hard to see your own story! You are living within your own head, so trying to see deeply ingrained stories can be difficult. And to be honest, I’ve been on the personal development path for over 2 decades, and I’m only just getting it and only with support from a very good coach and the Feminine Power community. And that is the first step: connecting with a community of people who get it and will support you and will not allow you to stay in your story of lack. No more, “Oh, I so understand, isn’t life awful,” kvetchers who grumble with you, but people who see your potential and will stand with you to honor the highest vision of yourself.


The second step is to get really clear on your own feelings, beliefs, and what you say to yourself when you bump up against your particular area of lack. For example, I recounted my own Russian Roulette story, but that only came to me after getting really clear that I felt like a bad person, like I don’t matter, and that I am deeply unsafe. Those realizations came by looking closely at difficult interactions, feeling into them, and then feeling how old I felt inside of them. So when I had a bad exchange with my husband and got really angry, I took some time to feel the true feelings, which actually were shame, unworthiness, anxiety, and fear. I felt about 4 years old, and I remembered an instance when I got into trouble at 4 and felt “bad.” So at 4, I was imprinted with, “I’m Bad.”

The process of simply naming the actual feelings, underneath your immediate “how to control this situation” feelings (mine is always anger) can be quite insightful. For me, my anger always reinforced my belief that I was a bad person, but when I felt the real feelings of shame, unworthiness, anxiety, and fear, I was actually able to feel some empathy for myself, which began to loosen the anger.

Once you identify the feelings and belief, then it’s time to re-focus and re-create your story. When trying to find the deeper truth about being “bad,” I had to dig pretty far down. I’d lived with “I’m Bad” for nearly 40 years and I couldn’t just suddenly say, “I’m Good!” and believe it. I didn’t believe that. But as I reflected, what I realized was: I truly want to help other people. I truly care about other people. That is absolutely true. So objectively speaking, is a person who truly wants to help and who truly cares all bad? No. So any time I started (or rather, start – it’s an ongoing process!) feeling like I’m a bad person, I say to myself “you care, you want to help.” And that has been enough to begin to re-create my story.


This process is not easy, and it may take a while to un-do all your negative beliefs and stories, but our ability to recreate our stories is what makes us incredibly powerful and connects us to all Creation.

Here’s to your re-Creation!


How to know it’s time to change your story

Many years ago I heard Tony Robbins talk about changing your story. I didn’t really know what he meant, but it sort of stuck in the back of my mind. Since 2013, I have been taking Feminine Power courses and working with a FP coach. There we looked at transforming false beliefs – e.g., I’m Unworthy, I’m Alone, I’m a Burden. It was in working with my coach that I realized that the beliefs lead us to create the story of our lives. Everything we experience inside is created on the outside – life is our storybook made up of our beliefs.

My own particular story looks like this: I am Unsafe, others have ill intent, and Life/The Universe will pull the rug out from under me at any time. I can clearly see myself standing in the middle of a large target – right in the bullseye – and I’m in the midst of a game of Russian Roulette with the Universe, only the Universe is the only one with the gun pointed at me. If I make myself really small and insignificant, I can be a bit safer (the Universe will lose interest for a bit), but I never quite know when It will re-gain interest and randomly shoot at me – and when It shoots, whether it will be a real bullet.




But it is my story, and it has led me to start about a dozen coaching businesses and stop them as soon as someone noticed me. It also led me to always seem to have trouble with finances – I was always just on the edge, just eeking by in the smallest way I could. It has led me to be stuck, fearful of making any move because then I might cause the Universe to re-engage in the game.

So what is your story? Are you one of the millions of people unhappy with your career? Constantly having relationship problems? Do you feel you have something important to contribute to the world, but cannot figure out how to do it – or even what it is? If so, think about what your story is. Deep down, do you feel invisible? Powerless? Unwanted?  It may be time to change your story and re-create your life.


What to do when you figure out what to do with your life and then doubt it…

Deep down all of us have an inkling of what we are here for, what we’re meant to do with our lives. For the lucky few, we glimpse it in childhood and then pursue it relentlessly. For the rest of us, the inkling may be vague (serve, help others, create) and then disappear altogether under a pile of “shoulds.”


We then spend much time, energy, and angst trying to return to the knowing of what we “should” do with our lives. Often we’ll hit on it and immediately dismiss it because it doesn’t seem possible. And the dismissing is so subtle, it’s not even noticeable. So for instance, your visualizing, feeling excitement while seeing yourself clearly as a photographer, and without even noticing, a smidgen of doubt creeps in over the excitement and you start visualizing starving artists and questioning how you would feed yourself, your family, etc.

By Sander Cohen,

By Sander Cohen,

The thing is, the doubt is laced in conventional thinking, so it doesn’t even appear as doubt, but just “reality.” Here’s probably the line of thinking:

Of course I can’t be a photographer and feed myself and my family, who can do that? Well, maybe there are a few who have done it, but they’re the exception. I am in mid-life, how could I possibly make that transition now?

And there is some reality to it – unless you are independently wealthy, it may not be possible to immediately make the switch. But what if…

What if you just left the door open, even a little? What if you switched the thinking from, “there’s no way” to “what could I do to begin taking photos?” “What could I do to bring that feeling of freedom into my life?” “What is possible right now that would give me the same feeling of excitement?”

Just a small change, nothing big. But that small change could be transformative.

Guest Post: RARASAUR!!!!!!

Rara is brilliant and has been caught up in an injustice I can scarcely wrap my head around. But from prison, she continues to inspire. Thanks, Rara…

everyday gurus

Got a letter from Rara today asking me to publish this post because Grayson has had trouble getting internet access. Feel free to re-blog or send to anyone who knows Rara and her plight.

I skyped with a dinosaur! How I’ve missed this icon on the blogosphere

The Space Between

There’s a cold science to the warm observance of art. Fancy galleries and museums all over the world apply careful calculations to the placement of viewing-benches and lights. It is a detailed symphony of diagonals and distance, measured to accompany the artistry and elevate the experience of beauty. At a certain angle, from a certain number of steps away, even your favorite masterpiece could look unappealing, or downright ugly, or worse–simply quiet. Can you even fathom the travesty of such a fate? To have something silenced by the space between when it could have spoken to you and shared its ageless secrets with the very…

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Seems I’ve been in timeout a while…

In December I wrote I was in time out. December. How in the world is it now May?

This is my issue – I get all clear and gung-ho on a path, take the first steps and then…


Lose momentum.


Aiy… I know I’m not alone. It’s the thing where you get so frustrated with standing still, you begin taking steps, but in the back of your mind you know something is a bit off about it, but you keep going… until you stop. Life gets in the way – busy at work, busy at home, millions of reasons, millions of excuses, which are true and real – except that if you were truly full in, you’d keep going.

Lately I’ve been trying to figure it out – what is that thing that continually holds me back? Why is my dream not quite strong enough to pull me forward?

And I think it has something to do with not being big enough AND being too much about me and my own fulfillment.

So, I’ve retreated. I’m re-assessing and, hopefully soon, I will re-emerge with a vision that is about how my soul wants me to be of service in the world.

If you are pursuing your soul’s purpose, I’d love to hear what it is and how you discerned it!


I’m in time out

Lately my two-year-old son has been telling my husband and me to go in timeout. It’s really interesting because we don’t actually use timeout with him. But, since he’s heard it at preschool, he’s taken to putting us in timeout for any random thing – sitting on the couch, scratching our heads, looking at him…


I kind of like it. I just say, “Ok, good, I’m in time out” and close my eyes and take some breaths. It’s wonderful. My son immediately interrupts it, but since he does it so often, I have a little voice reminder to just take a moment for myself.

Some of you may have noticed I’ve taken a timeout on posting to this blog. I have been following my gut and working with a branding coach to figure out what PPL4 is really about, what is going to be most useful in the world, and where my gifts and talents lie in relation to a larger vision. I’ve also been working with a Feminine Power coach to remove blocks to actually doing the steps necessary in branding and launching a business. So I’m in timeout, and it’s wonderful.

Since I’m going to continue my timeout through the end of the year, I wanted to wish you all a peaceful, joyful, love-filled holiday season, and a hope-filled New Year.