In my last post I talked about how to know it is time to change your story: if you feel stuck in some area of life, unable to move forward, you likely need to recreate your underlying story.
But here’s the rub – it’s so dang hard to see your own story! You are living within your own head, so trying to see deeply ingrained stories can be difficult. And to be honest, I’ve been on the personal development path for over 2 decades, and I’m only just getting it and only with support from a very good coach and the Feminine Power community. And that is the first step: connecting with a community of people who get it and will support you and will not allow you to stay in your story of lack. No more, “Oh, I so understand, isn’t life awful,” kvetchers who grumble with you, but people who see your potential and will stand with you to honor the highest vision of yourself.
The second step is to get really clear on your own feelings, beliefs, and what you say to yourself when you bump up against your particular area of lack. For example, I recounted my own Russian Roulette story, but that only came to me after getting really clear that I felt like a bad person, like I don’t matter, and that I am deeply unsafe. Those realizations came by looking closely at difficult interactions, feeling into them, and then feeling how old I felt inside of them. So when I had a bad exchange with my husband and got really angry, I took some time to feel the true feelings, which actually were shame, unworthiness, anxiety, and fear. I felt about 4 years old, and I remembered an instance when I got into trouble at 4 and felt “bad.” So at 4, I was imprinted with, “I’m Bad.”
The process of simply naming the actual feelings, underneath your immediate “how to control this situation” feelings (mine is always anger) can be quite insightful. For me, my anger always reinforced my belief that I was a bad person, but when I felt the real feelings of shame, unworthiness, anxiety, and fear, I was actually able to feel some empathy for myself, which began to loosen the anger.
Once you identify the feelings and belief, then it’s time to re-focus and re-create your story. When trying to find the deeper truth about being “bad,” I had to dig pretty far down. I’d lived with “I’m Bad” for nearly 40 years and I couldn’t just suddenly say, “I’m Good!” and believe it. I didn’t believe that. But as I reflected, what I realized was: I truly want to help other people. I truly care about other people. That is absolutely true. So objectively speaking, is a person who truly wants to help and who truly cares all bad? No. So any time I started (or rather, start – it’s an ongoing process!) feeling like I’m a bad person, I say to myself “you care, you want to help.” And that has been enough to begin to re-create my story.
This process is not easy, and it may take a while to un-do all your negative beliefs and stories, but our ability to recreate our stories is what makes us incredibly powerful and connects us to all Creation.
Here’s to your re-Creation!